In the years since there have been moments where my anxiety has seemed to get worse, during my pregnancy with Benji when I was worrying about labour was one of those times but it was then that I learnt about mindfulness and really used it to take some control back over my thoughts and worries.
So when I was planning going back to work I thought it would be ok Benji starting nursery, me starting work, Riley starting school and running my first half marathon all in the same month... not sure exactly what I was thinking but all I can say is this last month has been a tough one.
I have started to wake in the nights again with these panic episodes and found it hard to control my mood when I am tired. My thoughts start to spiral out of control and can feel myself panic about every tiny thing. I know it's not healthy and isn't helping things. I also know I'm more likely to have a seizure and I really don't want this seizure free streak to come to an end... but at the same time I don't want to add another medication to my list of meds.
So I have turned to mindfulness and I know I need to use it more but I at least I am making a start. I find that focusing on the breath when my thoughts get out of control helps centre me. And by doing a meditation before bed such as a body scan my sleep is so much improved. It's time consuming but it helps and I know I need to do more to feel more in control. I have started to try a running meditation as well which is a way of fitting in some mindfulness and training for the half marathon at the same time.
I think mindfulness should be taught to everyone with epilepsy, everyone with a chronic condition in fact. The research behind it is really solid, this paper gives a really good overview of some of the benefits seen in mindfulness. It actually changes the way our minds and bodies work for the better. Yet there is next to no provision for it within our health care and I think that needs to change.