Wednesday, 16 November 2016

Dear Keppra

This post is part of the Epilepsy Blog Relay™ which will run from November 1 through November 30, 2016. Follow along!

When you were first mentioned to me many years ago a quick google revealed your true colours, your suicidal tendencies, the rage you inflicted upon people and fatigue so horrific I wouldn’t be able to pull myself out of bed in the morning.  I didn’t want to know you if that was how you treated people.

I would continue on with my good friend lamotrigine, I had known her for eight years, she had helped me, reduced my big seizures from one a month to one a year, I could live with that.  She wasn’t too bad, if anything she had mellowed me, made me feel more in control of my mood or maybe it was growing up, becoming an adult, I was 19 when I met her.  Anyway she seemed safe and I had changed my life to incorporate those out of the blue seizures once a year or so, life plodded on.
But then lamotrigine seemed to abandon me, two big seizures in three months and more focals in between.  I was lost, my safety net gone, eight years she’d stuck by me, eight years she’d brought a bit more control in my life and now what she just left me. Anxiety was taking over, anxiety for the future, anxiety of seizures, anxiety of my own safety.

And amongst all this anxiety your name was mentioned again, Keppra is your best choice now they said.  But why would I want to start hanging around with a suicidal, energy draining, maniac when life already seemed so out of control again and I had my little girl to think about now too. But there didn’t seem much other choice.

And so you entered my life, at first I was exhausted you literally drained all the energy from me, I would sleep all the time.  Then as lamotrigine left the scene completely along with her mellowing nature I felt you pushing my buttons, making me angry, making me sad. It was tough, I hated you to begin with, I am not going to lie.

But then after six months of putting up with you I realised something, I hadn’t actually had any big seizures since I met you and the small ones were so reduced… that was weird… I had come to accept I would never be completely seizure free, now suddenly you introduced me to a new feeling… hope… it was weak and I tried to push it back but it was definitely there, a glimmer of hope for a seizure free future.

But if this relationship was going to work out something needed to change… I couldn’t be this tired all the time and my family didn’t deserve me snapping at them every five minutes because you were pushing my buttons.  I needed to find ways to live with you.

Someone suggest vitamin B6 so I gave that a go, it seemed to help a little bit… but I needed more. While running when exhausted seemed counterproductive and a little risky as that was how my seizures had started I decided to try. If nothing else it would test whether you my new ‘friend’ that had been thrown into my life was really worth all this effort or was it just coincidence.

The running really seemed to be helping, I was less tired and more in control of my mood, I also felt more alive, less mellow… it meant I could feel the highs as well as the lows so maybe you weren’t so bad after all. 

Then I found out I was pregnant, the running had to stop, it wasn’t worth pushing myself and having a seizure and I didn’t want to take the vitamin B6 while I was pregnant either. So I was mixing you Keppra with pregnancy hormones and all the anxiety from my last pregnancy, I was a mess.  I needed to find a new way to cope and that was when mindfulness walked in.  Mindfulness was that beautiful friend that everyone was talking about but who was so quiet no one could be bothered to actually take the time to really get to know her.

But in my desperation when you Keppra were pushing my buttons and I couldn’t turn to running or vitamins it was then I took the time to get to know mindfulness and she made me look at life completely differently.  She showed me that while my thoughts maybe fluid with ups and downs, maybe partially controlled by you Keppra, there are ways for me to stay in control of them.

Keppra, you controlled my seizures through pregnancy, through the ups and downs of all those hormone changes, lamotrigine didn’t have that strength.  You kept me and my little boy safe and allowed me to have the birth experience I wanted this time round not led by the doctors, led by me, for that I am eternally grateful. Yesterday that baby I carried for nine months turned one, he is healthy and happy and doesn’t appear to have any problems, I can’t thank you enough.

You have been part of my life for three years now. It’s not been an easy relationship, we haven’t always seen eye-to-eye, and I have had to adapt life to live with you, with a little help from mindfulness. You are one strong minded friend that’s for sure, and I call you a friend now… for you have opened up a world of opportunities, allowing me to drive again, run marathons and just slowly regain my confidence.

I feel blessed to have you as a friend, to have these opportunities in life again. But I am scared too, you are pushing me to do so much more with my life, life isn’t just plodding along like it did with lamotrigine.  But what if you abandon me like lamotrigine did and all the seizures and anxiety returns, what then?  That’s when mindfulness steps in, in all her beauty and reminds me to focus on my breathing, on the sunshine streaming through the window, on the sound of my fingers typing on the keys, on the here and now and suddenly those worries drift away and I am left content in the present.

Clair

NEXT UP: Be sure to check out the post tomorrow by Jessica E on http://livingwellwithepilepsy.com For the full schedule of bloggers visit the Participants gallery.

11 comments:

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  4. NATURAL & EFFECTIVE TREATMENT TO SEIZURE: Our son has temporal lobe epilepsy, He has seizure and had a grand mal with rage, Our son's seizure always occur twice in a week according to EEG results. We had used several medicine which include: 600 Epitol 100 Zarontin,
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  5. Am One of the happiest woman on earth since my son was cured from the problem of seizure,which he has been having for eight years now,he do have the attack two to three times a week,which is affecting is education and his life.i got the contact of a doctor from the post of one Mr paul thanking him for curing his seizure problem,i got the contact and contacted him then he made me to know that the medication is a permanent cure, and that was how i got the medication which i used on my son,and for six month now there have been no sign of seizure in him again.any one with such problem can contact him on his email drwilliams098675@gmail.com

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  6. HILTON CURED MY GRANDSON FROM GRAND MAL SEIZURE

    I feel obliged to share this story this Christmas season. I’m always reminded that no matter what one goes through in life, there is hope if we are willing to try. I am glad that after several years of battling with my grandson’s seizures, HILTON Herbal medicine came through for us. This Christmas makes it 3 years he became totally free from grand mal after countless doctors visited, and a lot of drugs we used which had several side effects on his health yet never procure a cure for him.

    There is so much to say about HILTON, I recommend it to anyone battling with seizure. Jason was totally cured from a seizure he suffered for 15 years. I am glad I did my best as a grandfather to see him take back his life. I admit it was hard convincing his parents to use HILTON, as they believed so much Western medicines. My son being a medical Doctor saw herbal medicine as not properly researched enough. I became so convinced having read a lot of testimonies and Dr. Mohan giving me his words of complete cure through HILTON. I took up the responsibility of getting HILTON and using it for him with his parents consent. I struck a deal with my son that I will spend my personal money and he will triple whatever I spent if Jason is completely cured. This was all to make them shift ground and give me a go ahead to use and use HILTON. I was totally convinced having used Herbs for over 65 years of my life, I know the true power of nature.

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  7. ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS FOR THE GREAT DEED HE HAVE DON FOR MY FAMILY.This information will be useful for Epilepsy patients who is willing to use herbal medicine. My daughter had temporal lobe epilepsy, She had seizure and had a grand mal with rage episode. Our daughter's seizure is constant throughout the day. We had used several medicine which include: Epilim and Keppra, experience seizure control at the cost of serious debilitating side effects. It was during a casual conversation with a friend that I learned about herbal Dr. William,who uses herbal medicine in curing people from epilepsy,i was so glad to contact him on his email and make an order for his medication, it does not have any side effect. I am so glad to say that she has been seizure-free since July 2015 after taking William medicine. this a miracle cure?contact him for more detail (drwilliams098675@gmail.com) thanks once again admin for such an informative blog.

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  8. "With Dr Williams,herbal medicine I felt very empowered after my son started his medication and the results came very quickly I might add. Contrary to what my doctor had recommended for my son, (that epilepsy have no permanent cure) I have succeeded in less than 4 weeks to treat all the symptoms associated with my son epilepsy (including the anxiety , and the abnormal behavior ) and within 4 weeks, my son epilepsy was completely gone. Thank you so much for this terrific publication. I also my son have recently experienced a symptom-free of headache , which was nothing short of remarkable, considering the awful state my son was in before I was introduced to dr williams life changing medication,for more information on how to get his medicine you can email him in drwilliam098675@gmail.com

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  9. Wow a natural herb can cure epilepsy, I had epilepsy for over 14 years, i have spend a lot money getting drugs from the hospital to keep me healthy,i went to many hospitals for cure but there was no solution, One day I was in the office going through the internet when i saw a post about Dr ewoig herbal medicine on how he cure a woman with epilepsy, so i email him. He told me the things I need to do and also give me instructions to take, which I followed properly. Before I knew what is happening after two weeks To my greatest surprise after patiently going according to instruction given to me by Dr ewoig, my epilepsy was cure . I want to say a big thanks to Dr ewoig who God have sent to heal his people with his natural medicine i pray that God will bless you for the good work you are doing.for all who are still suffering from this disease, you can also contact him through his email on :drewoig18@gmail.com. like they say his herbal remedy is the only permanent solution to Seizure

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  10. I am Sophie from Canada, I once suffered from a terrible and Chronic epilepsy ,since i was bone , the doctor told me there was no permanent cure i was given medications to slow down its progress, i constantly felt my health was deteriorating as i constantly go out of breath,and this illness was really terrible especially when am going out with my friends, i have this constant disorder for about 31 years, this was really a terrible illness ,on thin one day that i was going through the internet,and i came across a post of Mrs Kate on how his son was been cured from epilepsy through the help of Dr Williams herbal product, I contacted this herbal doctor via his email and explain everything to him and make purchase of his product,few days later he sent me the herbal medicine through courier service, when i received the herbal medicine i used it for 4 weeks as prescribed and i was totally cured of epilepsy within those week of usage,on thin now i have not experience any sign of seizure.if you need his help you can Contact this herbal doctor via his email drwilliams098675@gmail.com for help

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  11. I am Shelley from Los Angeles,California, I want to testify on how i got cured from seizure, I have suffered from seizure since the year 2011 with so mush anxiety ,that i have to spend so mush money getting pain relief in the hospital, and I have visited several doctor ,but all to no avail, my world was gradually coming to an end because of the fainting and muscle spasms , until i saw a post in a health forum about a herbal Dr Williams who use herbal portion in curing people from different kind of diseases including seizure, at first i doubted if it we be able to cure my Generalised tonic-clonic seizure , but i decided to give it a try, when i contacted this herbal doctor via his email, he prepared a herbal portion and sent it to me via courier service, when i received this herbal medicine, he gave me step by step instructions on how to apply it, when i applied it as instructed, i was completely free from seizure just for 1 months of usage,i we recommend this to all my friend family in the world today who still suffering from seizure you can contact him through his email on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for help.

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