One of the most amazing part of every pregnancy I think for most people is seeing that first scan, it makes it all real, up until that point I didn’t quite believe it, I thought I was just going to feel groggy for the rest of my life! I also loved hearing baby’s heart beat at every check-up, midwives are definitely better at giving you time to listen to it than most doctors!
Feeling the baby move is incredible, I didn’t find the first few movements were much, but as she grew being able to see a hand or foot sticking out was amazing. I remember one day sitting on the floor at work with a child and the clown doctor was making him a balloon animal, suddenly the balloon popped, the child jumped, I jumped but most amazingly my baby in my tummy jumped, it made me realise that I had a little life forming inside me, made me treasure it even more.
A strange memorable moment during my pregnancy was liking chocolate again… sounds strange but the main reason I took a pregnancy test was I couldn’t face chocolate just like my Mum couldn’t when she was pregnant with me. For a chocoholic that was very strange, I remember sitting at a Christmas dinner watching everyone eat chocolate fondants and feeling very strange because I knew I should want one, but couldn’t face one! Then sometime after 20weeks I started enjoying eating chocolate again, yum,yum!
The first proper cuddle with your baby is amazing, we didn’t get a proper cuddle for a couple of hours, just a quick one in theatre which I only vaguely remember, as we were neither of us very well after delivery. But that first proper cuddle when everything was calm again… I remember my friend carrying her in to me (as she was a student midwife and had helped deliver Riley!) that first proper cuddle and starting to feed her I will never forget.
Lastly, something I wish someone had been honest enough to tell me, and which I think is important to acknowledge otherwise I think a lot of new mothers feel something is wrong. The everlasting bond people talk about doesn’t usually occur straight away… I loved Riley so much and wanted to provide for her, but I remember feeling so bad when the midwife came the first night and asked if I wanted her to take her for a bit, feeling relieved, I was exhausted. But the bond built over the first few weeks, when she gave her first proper cheesy grin I knew I’d do anything for her. Just don’t feel bad if the feeling isn’t there straight away, it will come, motherhood is a huge change, it takes time to get used to and time to get to know each other, with or without epilepsy.
Now 12 weeks on I love being a mum, watching Riley learn new things all the time is amazing. I love her so much. We are a proper little family.