Sunday 13 November 2016

The big secret about potty training!

When a child turns two suddenly the word on every parents lips is potty training… if you think the pressure for your child to walk or talk first was intense… you have experienced nothing until you enter the unchartered, unsupervised waters of potty training.  At least there was no bodily fluids involved when learning to walk and talk and there was a health visitor checking their every skill level intently with surveys and check-ups, giving you tips and ideas.

No when it comes to potty training you really are alone and weirdly surrounded by parents and children who are apparently natural masters of the potty… you will hear ‘my child just decided one day he didn’t want to wear nappies anymore and potty trained himself’  ‘have you tried the three day technique, it’s amazing, I just don’t understand what all the fuss is about?’ ‘my little one was dry within a week of getting rid of nappies’ ‘I can’t wait to get rid of these expensive nappies’ ‘isn’t it awful the number of children still in nappies when they start school? Lazy parenting’.

That September school deadline looms over you, you know they NEED to be dry by then or you are going to be that lazy parent who expects the school to toilet train your child.  The media are pushing it, nappy companies are trying to squeeze every last penny out of you with pull ups and training pants and health visitors are weirdly no where to be found at this point and you feel like EVERYONE is judging you.

The reason 10% of children aren't dry by five...

The last two years have been the hardest two years of parenting for us. I have felt like a failure as a parent, like the only one who couldn’t teach their child the simple skill of using the toilet rather than their clothes to wee and poo in… there have been tears and temper tantrums from all parties involved… but then I found out something… 10% of children are not fully toilet trained at 5 years old… even more are not toilet trained at 4… so where are all these parents and why do we have so much pressure placed on us to achieve a goal which for 1 in 10 children is unachievable?

I am going to speak out for those 10% now, I hope that someone reads this and doesn’t feel like the failures that we did.

There are lots of reasons why children might not want to use the potty or toilet, for example, anxiety, fear or just plain stubbornness but what I am going to talk about is a medical reason which I now know affects 1 in 10 children aged 5 and which I feel every parent should be given information about. 

Even more importantly is that having started talking to women whose children have been exposed to anti-epileptic drugs in uterus, this seems even more common in this population of children.  Obviously there is no research, no reliable data to support this claim as with most of the impact of AEDs on unborn babies, it isn’t a priority for anyone to research at the moment.

If I had been told this could be a side effect of my medication would I have not had children? Definitely not, however if I had been told to watch for signs of an overactive bladder would I have approached potty training completely differently… absolutely and the last two years would have been very different.  Hindsight is a glorious thing and I will definitely be looking at potty training Benji very differently.

So what is an overactive bladder?

We now describe Riley’s bladder as a naughty bladder.  You may also hear this condition being called a ‘twitchy’ bladder.  When the bladder fills with urine these ‘naughty’ bladders send messages that the child needs the toilet before the bladder is fully full.  This means that the child will have a small bladder capacity and so will need to go to the toilet more frequently.  When the bladder squeezes this can be so strong that urine leaks out then and there, causing damp pants something we have been struggling with for years and meaning Riley has to change her clothes multiple times a day.

So the symptoms are:

- Frequent weeing (8 or more times a day)

- An urgent need to get to the toilet quickly

- Smaller bladder capacity

- Urinary tract infections

- Children will often try to stop the need to wee by squatting, sitting on an ankle or standing on tiptoes.

But with Riley these symptoms have only become clear in the last year or so as she has grown older and more able to communicate complex ideas.  Before that it was much more vague, she just didn’t seem to get potty training and yet she was meeting all her other milestones even ahead in things like imagination and emotional maturity.  She just had a lot of accidents and never told us when she needed a wee so we just thought she was being lazy or we were doing it wrong. 

We tried every reward we could think of, marbles in a jar, sticker charts, Velcro charts, a shop that she got coins towards every time she did a wee or poo.  We tried rewarding wees and poos, we tried rewarding staying dry instead. We bought a wobble watch to remind her to use the toilet every 30 minutes.  We got her to change her clothes herself after an accident to try to show her it is much easier to use the toilet.  Every time we introduced something new she improved but within two weeks she would slip back again it felt like taking three steps forward then two steps back and it was exhausting.

Finally I couldn’t take anymore I went to the drop in health visitor clinic and when I was told they were too busy to see me and the clinic was really only for babies I broke down in tears in the waiting room and finally got to see a health visitor.  She came and did a home visit and it quite quickly became clear we hadn’t done anything wrong and they weren’t able to really offer much more advice. Finally we got a referral to a paediatric urologist…

The moment everything changed

So I wrote everything down and went along to the appointment, the doctor was lovely talking to Riley as well as me.  She sat and listened to everything, my two years of a nightmare.  Then she smiled, a kind but knowing smile… she said to me I wish I could tell you that your child is unique however almost every parent who walks through that door tells me the same story.  She then explained to Riley and me that Riley had a naughty bladder and she said to me that Riley was particularly receptive for a 4 year old and so we could introduce an easy exercise to try to help.  But the main thing is that most children grow out of this problem… so we just have to wait.

Why did no one mention this before… why did no one say 1 in 10 children won’t be dry by school at it’s not the child or parent being lazy… it’s a medical thing that no one can change. Suddenly I looked on the whole situation differently.  We had just spent two years trying to get Riley dry in pants… I had even bought some ‘Dry like me’ pads but didn’t want to use them in case it made her lazy.

I left that appointment and went straight to the shops, I bought Riley a little bag, some nappy sacks and a packet of wipes and the next day I showed her the ‘Dry like me’ pads.  I explained to her that the pads would mean that when her bladder was naughty and squeezed some wee wee out that it would go in the pad, it wouldn’t smell, it wouldn’t make her clothes wet and all she had to do was change the pad herself when she went to the toilet.  This has been a game changer. Suddenly our life isn’t ruled by toilet training. Riley can manage her own pads and when to use the toilet 95% of the time, we still get the odd accident but it is so much more manageable.

My top tips for managing an overactive bladder:

Make sure your child is getting enough fluids, they should have over 1000mls of water at the age of four, that is quite a lot and it does take persistence to achieve.  This helps the bladder to fill and stretch and also stops the urine getting too concentrated which can make the ‘twitching’ worse.

Only allow your child to drink water.  Other drinks can again increase the twitching, caffeine is the worst, so tea, coffee, cola are definitely off limits.  Artificial colourings and flavourings can make bladders more ‘twitchy’ too so we always avoid these and even natural blackcurrant juice can have an impact.  With Riley we give her watered down apple juice as a treat as this tends to have the least impact.

Take your child to the toilet at regular intervals to try to do a wee especially when they are busy, a vibrating watch can make your child more independent with this.  It can be hard for them to differentiate between their bladder being naughty and squeezing and when they really do need to go to the toilet so when they are busy it is easy for them to forget.

Measure how much urine your child is producing when they wee. The problem suddenly became clear to us when Riley had a kidney scan and the radiographer said she only had 60mls of urine in her bladder and so couldn’t possibly need a wee even though Riley said she did.  I went home and started measuring each wee and suddenly realised she wasn’t ever producing more than 80mls of urine.  Her scan was sent back as normal so I had to go back to the GP to make it clear this wasn’t normal.

When they go to the toilet make sure they empty their whole bladder.  It can be good to encourage them to count while on the toilet and blow out.

If your child is struggling with poos, or doing poos in their pants, even if they go everyday they could be constipated.  We give Riley a small cup of prune juice each morning which seems to really help her.  Being a little bit constipated can put pressure on the bladder and make it even harder for a child to work out when they need a wee.

Don’t be afraid to use ‘Dry like me’ pads.  These are like sanitary pads and go in their pants.  If your child’s pants are constantly damp the pad will stop them having to change their clothes so often, will stop them being smelly and getting sore.  Forget trying to get them dry, just aim for them to be able to manage the problem independently.  It turns out schools aren’t so bothered about dryness, they just want the child to take responsibility for their toileting.

Try to encourage your child to try to hold their wee, the doctor said to Riley to try to count to 30 elephants when she feels she needs a wee and see if the urge to wee has gone.  That way you can train the bladder to fill and stretch a bit more, increasing its capacity.

Get the school onside, explain your child’s problem, make it clear they can’t wait for toilet breaks and if they are using pads show them that they have a little bag that contains everything they might need.  Our experience has been that the school has been amazing and really supportive.

Don’t worry about night time dryness, it may seem like everyone else’s children are out of nappies at night but if your child’s bladder can only hold 100mls of fluid in order to keep them dry at night your child will have to be getting up quite a lot to manage a dry night.  Also the twitching doesn’t stop at night so they may well leak without waking up.  Surely a goodnights sleep is more important for everyone.  Night time dryness is also reliant on the child producing enough of a hormone called vasopressin which your body needs to stop you making so much wee at night.

I really hope this blog helps another family struggling with toilet training feel less alone and empowers you to look at things differently.  I will be looking at the whole process very differently when I potty train Benji, I have learnt so much from the past two years about the amount of pressure we put on ourselves and our children to achieve developmental milestones. 

ERIC is a brilliant charity who have some brilliant resources for parents, children’s and school and who have been fantastic with giving us advice through their helpline so I would definitely encourage parents to contact them if you are struggling.

16 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  2. Am One of the happiest woman on earth since my son was cured from the problem of seizure,which he has been having for eight years now,he do have the attack two to three times a week,which is affecting is education and his life.i got the contact of a doctor from the post of one Mr paul thanking him for curing his seizure problem,i got the contact and contacted him then he made me to know that the medication is a permanent cure, and that was how i got the medication which i used on my son,and for six month now there have been no sign of seizure in him again.any one with such problem can contact him on his email drwilliams098675@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS FOR THE GREAT DEED HE HAVE DON FOR MY FAMILY.This information will be useful for Epilepsy patients who is willing to use herbal medicine. My daughter had temporal lobe epilepsy, She had seizure and had a grand mal with rage episode. Our daughter's seizure is constant throughout the day. We had used several medicine which include: Epilim and Keppra, experience seizure control at the cost of serious debilitating side effects. It was during a casual conversation with a friend that I learned about herbal Dr. William,who uses herbal medicine in curing people from epilepsy,i was so glad to contact him on his email and make an order for his medication, it does not have any side effect. I am so glad to say that she has been seizure-free since July 2015 after taking William medicine. this a miracle cure?contact him for more detail (drwilliams098675@gmail.com) thanks once again admin for such an informative blog.

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  4. "With Dr Williams,herbal medicine I felt very empowered after my son started his medication and the results came very quickly I might add. Contrary to what my doctor had recommended for my son, (that epilepsy have no permanent cure) I have succeeded in less than 4 weeks to treat all the symptoms associated with my son epilepsy (including the anxiety , and the abnormal behavior ) and within 4 weeks, my son epilepsy was completely gone. Thank you so much for this terrific publication. I also my son have recently experienced a symptom-free of headache , which was nothing short of remarkable, considering the awful state my son was in before I was introduced to dr williams life changing medication,for more information on how to get his medicine you can email him in drwilliam098675@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am Sophie from Canada, I once suffered from a terrible and Chronic epilepsy ,since i was bone , the doctor told me there was no permanent cure i was given medications to slow down its progress, i constantly felt my health was deteriorating as i constantly go out of breath,and this illness was really terrible especially when am going out with my friends, i have this constant disorder for about 31 years, this was really a terrible illness ,on thin one day that i was going through the internet,and i came across a post of Mrs Kate on how his son was been cured from epilepsy through the help of Dr Williams herbal product, I contacted this herbal doctor via his email and explain everything to him and make purchase of his product,few days later he sent me the herbal medicine through courier service, when i received the herbal medicine i used it for 4 weeks as prescribed and i was totally cured of epilepsy within those week of usage,on thin now i have not experience any sign of seizure.if you need his help you can Contact this herbal doctor via his email drwilliams098675@gmail.com for help

    ReplyDelete
  6. I am Shelley from Los Angeles,California, I want to testify on how i got cured from seizure, I have suffered from seizure since the year 2011 with so mush anxiety ,that i have to spend so mush money getting pain relief in the hospital, and I have visited several doctor ,but all to no avail, my world was gradually coming to an end because of the fainting and muscle spasms , until i saw a post in a health forum about a herbal Dr Williams who use herbal portion in curing people from different kind of diseases including seizure, at first i doubted if it we be able to cure my Generalised tonic-clonic seizure , but i decided to give it a try, when i contacted this herbal doctor via his email, he prepared a herbal portion and sent it to me via courier service, when i received this herbal medicine, he gave me step by step instructions on how to apply it, when i applied it as instructed, i was completely free from seizure just for 1 months of usage,i we recommend this to all my friend family in the world today who still suffering from seizure you can contact him through his email on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for help.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I recently have some difficult conversations and I did what a lot of people do when they want to know how to do something. I googled it. I came across Dr Williams herbal medicine on YouTube so many people thanking him about his good work. I also have epilepsy. I wasn’t running all over God’s creation with every man I could find but here I am. I have felt bad about myself for so many years now because of my epilepsy status. I obviously still have some self-accepting to do but I want to thank Dr Williams for everything he have done for my family ,after taking Dr Williams medicine i was completely free from epilepsy within one month of usage, I think what you are doing is so admirable. you have helped me a lot! I want to definitely reach out to you and thank you for your amazing work. You are a good person, and an extremely talented man. You have helped millions with your herbs, and have really inspired me,and i pray you still continue doing the good work.you can also email him on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for help

    ReplyDelete
  8. Am One of the happiest woman on earth since my son was cured from the problem of seizure,which he has been having for eight years now,he do have the attack two to three times a week,which is affecting is education and his life.i got the contact of a doctor from the post of one Mr paul thanking him for curing his seizure problem,i got the contact and contacted him then he made me to know that the medication is a permanent cure, and that was how i got the medication which i used on my son,and for six month now there have been no sign of seizure in him again.any one with such problem can contact him on his email drwilliams098675@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  9. I was born epileptic, but I am now free and cured with Dr Itua Herbal Made Medicine. I was seventeen and sitting at my computer when I fell out of my chair. Only thing I remember is waking up with the worse headache I had ever had in my life. I had never taken medication and I hated swallowing pills but I had to start. I switched between all kinds of medication because I didn't take them like I was supposed to. One day I had just finished running errands and was at my sisters house when I fell to the floor again. I woke up with a bad headache and my 2 year old Niece leaning over my leg asking me if I was OK. By then I had just started college and was one the verge of losing my license. My school is an hour away from where I live so I really got set back because I wasn't allowed to drive until I got my seizures under control. I would love to know how others have handles their epilepsy! So My sister friends Emma Told my sister about a herbal Doctor who reside in west Africa(Nigeria) Because Emma is from Africa as well, My sister told me about it then we decided to give a try. My sister contacted him also tell him about my autism too.he assures my sister that his herbal medicine will cure my epilepsy and my autism, I paid for the herbal medicine then he delivered to Charleston Post office I was called to pick it up which i quickly did, I drank it for two weeks as prescribed happily I went for diagnose and find out my Epilepsy and Autism is gone and today making it 9 Months and I'm now free from Autism, Seizure and Epilepsy, I will continue to share Dr Itua Natural Herbal Medicine works. I will recommend Dr Itua to anyone who suffering from,,,AUTISM, EPILEPSY, SEIZURE, COLD SORE, HERPES, HIV/AIDS.Shingles,Genitals Herpes,Dr Itua Contact Information..... Email...drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com.... WhatsApp Number....+2348149277967. Live Happily Again With Dr Itua Herbal Made Medicine....

    ReplyDelete
  10. WOW ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS I HAVE NEVER BELIEVE IN HERBAL REMEDIES.
    my son have been a patient of epilepsy . I had tried a lot of anti viral med prescribed to me by doctors over how many years now but I could not see any improvements in my son symptoms. One day when going through the internet , i got to know about this great Herbal Dr who uses his herbal remedies in curing people from epilepsy,quickly i contacted him and he prepared a herbal medication for my son which i received and he used it as instructed by dr williams. After few weeks the improvement were very visible. the sleepiness and the abnormal behavior stooped ,on thing now he is so full of life. I would recommend this to all my friends,families,around the globe suffering from epilepsy.you can contact him through his email on drwilliams098675@gmail.com.for advice and for his product THANKS TO YOU ONCE AGAIN DR WILLIAMS

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am Shelley from Los Angeles,California, I want to testify on how i got cured from seizure, I have suffered from seizure since the year 2011 with so mush anxiety ,that i have to spend so mush money getting pain relief in the hospital, and I have visited several doctor ,but all to no avail, my world was gradually coming to an end because of the fainting and muscle spasms , until i saw a post in a health forum about a herbal Dr Williams who use herbal portion in curing people from different kind of diseases including seizure, at first i doubted if it we be able to cure my Generalised tonic-clonic seizure , but i decided to give it a try, when i contacted this herbal doctor via his email, he prepared a herbal portion and sent it to me via courier service, when i received this herbal medicine, he gave me step by step instructions on how to apply it, when i applied it as instructed, i was completely free from seizure just for 1 months of usage,i we recommend this to all my friend family in the world today who still suffering from seizure you can contact him through his email on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for help.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I was born epileptic, but I am now free and cured with Dr Itua Herbal Made Medicine. I was seventeen and sitting at my computer when I fell out of my chair. Only thing I remember is waking up with the worse headache I had ever had in my life. I had never taken medication and I hated swallowing pills but I had to start. I switched between all kinds of medication because I didn't take them like I was supposed to. One day I had just finished running errands and was at my sisters house when I fell to the floor again. I woke up with a bad headache and my 2 year old Niece leaning over my leg asking me if I was OK. By then I had just started college and was one the verge of losing my license. My school is an hour away from where I live so I really got set back because I wasn't allowed to drive until I got my seizures under control. I would love to know how others have handles their epilepsy! So My sister friends Emma Told my sister about a herbal Doctor who reside in west Africa(Nigeria) Because Emma is from Africa as well, My sister told me about it then we decided to give a try. My sister contacted him also tell him about my autism too.he assures my sister that his herbal medicine will cure my epilepsy and my autism, I paid for the herbal medicine then he delivered to Charleston Post office I was called to pick it up which i quickly did, I drank it for two weeks as prescribed happily I went for diagnose and find out my Epilepsy and Autism is gone and today making it 9 Months and I'm now free from Autism, Seizure and Epilepsy, I will continue to share Dr Itua Natural Herbal Medicine works. I will recommend Dr Itua to anyone who suffering from,,,AUTISM, EPILEPSY, SEIZURE, COLD SORE, HERPES, HIV/AIDS.Shingles,Genitals Herpes,Dr Itua Contact Information..... Email...drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com.... WhatsApp Number....+2348149277967. Live Happily Again With Dr Itua Herbal Made Medicine.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I am Sophie from Canada, I once suffered from a terrible and Chronic epilepsy ,since i was bone , the doctor told me there was no permanent cure i was given medications to slow down its progress, i constantly felt my health was deteriorating as i constantly go out of breath,and this illness was really terrible especially when am going out with my friends, i have this constant disorder for about 31 years, this was really a terrible illness ,on thin one day that i was going through the internet,and i came across a post of Mrs Kate on how his son was been cured from epilepsy through the help of Dr Williams herbal product, I contacted this herbal doctor via his email and explain everything to him and make purchase of his product,few days later he sent me the herbal medicine through courier service, when i received the herbal medicine i used it for 4 weeks as prescribed and i was totally cured of epilepsy within those week of usage,on thin now i have not experience any sign of seizure.if you need his help you can Contact this herbal doctor via his email drwilliams098675@gmail.com for help

    ReplyDelete
  14. Am One of the happiest woman on earth since my son was cured from the problem of seizure,which he has been having for eight years now,he do have the attack two to three times a week,which was affecting his education and his life.i got the contact of doctor Williams from the post of one Mr Paul thanking him for curing his seizure problem,i got the contact and contacted him then he made me to know that the medication is a permanent cure, and that was how i got the medication which i used on my son,and for six month now there have been no sign of seizure in him again.any one with such problem can contact him on his email on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for more information.

    ReplyDelete
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