The
day after I had a baby shower, it was a bit late to cancel it, and there was no
reason to really, I know Grandad wouldn’t want me to mope about and it was a
good way to take my mind off of things.
So many people came and brought us so many wonderful gifts, it was a
lovely evening, I feel so lucky to have so many people who care about me.
I
had my second anti-natal class which was taken by a physio, it was talking
about anti-natal and post-natal exercises as well as giving advice for any
aches and pains people were experiencing.
I was still doing pretty well but was good to get some advice in case
things did start to ache.
This
week was my final appointment at Epsom Hospital. It was just to put in place the final plan
based on what my London specialist had suggested. I almost had the doctor who saw me last time
and who was really understanding but they changed her to another patient, so I
ended up with the doctor I wasn’t so keen on after some of her rather
patronising comments in the past, this time she said something along the lines
of, you must really hate having epilepsy… no I love it, what a silly
comment! She also wanted me to wait til
I was in hospital to get hold of the Clobazam, I pointed out that it could be
2am on the bank holiday weekend, would they really be able to get hold of it
straight away as it wouldn’t be much good after being in labour for hours. Eventually she reluctantly agreed but said
“make sure you don’t take it before you’re in labour” made me feel pretty
angry, she couldn’t even trust me with Clobazam.
It
may sound arrogant, but I think I am an expert patient, I have had to learn as
much as I can about epilepsy as in the past I have had to prove what a doctor
is saying is wrong, both in my own care and also the care of young people with
epilepsy who I used to work with in my last job. I still remember having to take a child to
hospital because we couldn’t give him anymore emergency medication and having
to stop a doctor almost overdose him on more of the same medication. It is times like that when you do doubt
yourself but you have to have the confidence to stand your ground. After that I learnt knowledge is power, I
listen to what doctors say, take their advice, work with them, I am not afraid
to ask questions and research anything I am concerned about. I also don’t just go looking around Google as
I have been accused of doing by doctors in the past and I definitely agree the
internet does have a lot of incorrect information on it, you have to be careful
where you look. I only look on charity websites, drug company websites or
research which I have learnt to use correctly as part of my degree. Being empowered in your care, it’s what the
NHS is promoting so don’t be afraid of it, some doctors don’t like it but it is
your right to have control over your care, to listen to doctors, question them,
work with them and find out where you can read more and take control of your
condition, it builds your confidence.
But
getting back to my appointment, I can’t just criticise the doctor as she made a
clear plan based on what my specialist’s, anaesthetist’s and midwife’s
advice. She also agreed with me that if
I was happier staying at home in early labour it was the best place for me, but
not to let the pain get too much as it could trigger a seizure which I completely
agreed with. I thought the issue of how
long I stayed after was best to face after the event, there were so many things
that could impact on it even without my epilepsy, thought it was best to wait
and see, and I was definitely right.
I
also had to make an appointment to have a sweep done at 41weeks to help the
baby along! Somehow it seemed very
strange to book an appointment in case things didn’t happen, but I can see the
point as usually first babies are late.
The
biggest thing on my mind this week and next was my Grandad’s funeral, I think
the time between someone dying and the funeral is a strange period, you don’t
really grieve, planning it takes your mind off the actual grieving
process. We are a small close family and
so we worked closely together to make it really personal, there was so much to
do. We had a brilliant registrar and
together put together a lovely service, so many people had so much to say about
him, he was truly loved by so many people.
Nikki and me put together the order of service and made little packets
of seeds to give to everyone to remember him.
My uncle, mum and me found lots of photos to put into a slide show to
have on during the service. There was
just so much to do and kept me busy for the 2 weeks leading up to my due
date. All the time I was thinking, baby
please don’t come before the funeral, most people at that point just wanted the
baby to arrive, I desperately wanted it to be late. I remembered the midwife saying often if you’re
stressed the baby doesn’t come, I was hanging on that fact and it would turn
out she was probably right.
We
had our final anti-natal class where we talked about looking after a baby, mainly
about feeding. We had to do an exercise
where we got into groups and discussed the pros and cons of breast feeding, we
happened to be in a group with a couple of people who were completely set on
breast feeding, they just couldn’t see any cons. Rich and me played devil’s advocate, because
while I am completely pro breast feeding and was desperate to breast feed I am
well aware there are lots of issues which could mean it’s not possible for some
people and I think it’s wrong to make people feel like they’ve failed because
they have to bottle feed their baby, you never know it might be you.
The
weather up until this week had been pretty grey and cool. You may wonder why
that matters. When the sun comes out and temperature sores it makes being
pregnant a whole lot harder! Up until
this last week or so I had been fine, and not feeling too big… but the hot
weather suddenly made me feel very pregnant, I was walking up Sutton high
street and kept having to stop because I was out of breath.
My feet were also very swollen,
my socks and trainers left big indents in my feet and soon I resorted to flip
flops but where the strap went I had huge indents! It was very uncomfortable, I had also noticed
my hands were a little swollen, I couldn’t get my rings off which was a little
worrying! If you have general swelling
all over then it could be pre-eclampsia so it’s important to go to your doctor
but mine was just my feet and hands so was just one of those pregnancy things.
I was by that point pretty big! Most
people would be willing the baby to come at this point, but still I was willing
it to hang on until after the funeral.