Thursday 9 October 2014

Learning to live with the new me...

Now this is going to sound strange… but as I am weaning off the Lamotrigine I am starting to feel different.  It was my sister who put things in perspective for me last week.  She asked how the med change was going and when I said OK but I feel like I am a bit moody some of the time.  She then said she thought I was much more like the old me, less zoned out and more aware of the world around me.
Then suddenly I could see it, what if this is what normal people are like, what if I have been so dosed up on Lamotrigine (which at the end of the day is a mood stabiliser) for the past 10 years that I have just been not quite experiencing the highs and lows of life.  Feeling a bit annoyed when people don’t seem to give a damn, being grumpy when I’m tired, getting frustrated… maybe that is all normal.
And all of a sudden I have realised I am think more, that probably sounds a bit crazy but if I am walking somewhere I find my thoughts are moving quicker.
All this increased mood and thinking is taking some getting used to, it makes me feel really tired by the evenings and I find it hard to put sentences together sometimes because I feel like I can’t keep up with my thoughts.  But I am feeling so much more alive, I think I just need to learn to order these increased thoughts and control some of my moody moments.
I just hope this is normal and not just that this fast thinking is a sign my brain is working overtime and it’s just a matter of time before I have a seizure…
But for now I am just going to enjoy being a little bit more alive :)
Me before I was diagnosed with epilepsy

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