Thursday, 15 August 2013

Focal Seizures ~ Still there :(

So today I had a small focal seizure, nothing major, it didn't even effect my vision, just an intense feeling of fear.

There is no proper medical evidence to say that these definately are seizures... I might be making a fuss about nothing... all we can go on are a few points that hint at them being seizures...

I have some abnormal brain activity in a small area of my brain on a 24hour EEG (but as I have said before someone with Epilepsy can have a perfectly normal EEG unless they are having a seizure and likewise someone who will never have a seizure can have abnormal brain activity so it is not a definative answer, unless I actually had one of these little 'episodes' while attached to an EEG we will never know for sure)
They seem to have got less frequant and intense as my medication has increased (but then epilepsy can change on it's own with time...)
One day when I had a major seizure I had 3 of these 'episodes' in the morning leading up to it
When I was having my big seizures every month I was having lots of these 'episodes'

So I think they probably are something to do with it, it's just I doubt myself, they are so small and don't effect me but at the same time they are a sign that it's not 100% controlled and it makes me panic a bit at the time.  Then when I get home in the evening and think about it, tell Rich I just begin to feel a bit disappointed, I always think it's gone away, when I started this new job I thought maybe I won't have anymore because I'm no longer thinking about it and worrying...

But there you go, it happened, I never really expect them to go away, I've always had them and if this is all I have for the rest of my life I will be very lucky... it just makes me worried something more major might be brewing...

The other issue is medication.  My Lamotrigine can't go any higher so the only option to try to control them is to try something else... that involves a lot of risk and probably more seizures and especially with Riley I can't risk that.  So now that I don't have to worry about it in relatiton to my job I think I will just continue and as time goes by without a major seizure my confidence increases, it's been nearly 2 years now, touch wood, I've only had 1 period longer than this without one before...

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