Would you like to share your pregnancy story and your experiences of being a parent with epilepsy?

Epilepsy Action is building on the Pregnancy Diaries which Riley and me were involved in.  They’d love to hear from new people.

It was an amazing project for me to be involved in.  Nicole who put the whole thing together is so approachable and it really helped me to feel that I was helping making a difference to other women.  I felt very alone during my pregnancy and I didn’t want anyone else to feel like that if I could help it.

You can read the pregnancy diaries here.

So now it’s your chance to get involved.  Drop Nicole an email to find out more campaigns@epilepsy.org.uk

And watch this space, I’ll keep everyone updated as the project moves forward in 2015.

Promotion of public information and awareness award

I feel very proud to have won an award for the work I have done to help promote, well, in the words of this blog... becoming a mum with epilepsy! 

Epilepsy Action Volunteering Awards 2014: Promotion of public information and awareness category - Clair Cobbold

Clair has uncontrolled epilepsy. In June 2012 she gave birth to her first baby, daughter Riley. Thankfully for Epilepsy Action, Clair kept a diary throughout her pregnancy. This diary resulted in Clair becoming the first of our Pregnancy Diary writers of 2012, sharing her personal experiences of her pregnancy and parenthood journey. http://www.epilepsy.org.uk/node/62142

The Pregnancy Diaries was recently Highly Commended at the BMA Patient Information Awards and Clair played a big part in ensuring our resource was of such a high quality.

Clair, together with Riley, became the main ‘poster girl’ of our HealthE mum-to-be campaign. She also completed several media interviews, including local radio and newspapers and appeared in a double-page article in national magazine Prima Baby. Clair is ever willing to help, and happily agreed to be the face of The Guardian’s Mediaplanet supplement in National Epilepsy Week, being interviewed for the supplement and featuring on the front cover.

Clair is an amazing advocate of Epilepsy Action and regularly promotes our work and website on her own blog. She is very open about her own experiences and difficulties. The women we are trying to reach with our women’s campaigns have really warmed to her.

Clair hosted a workshop for parents with epilepsy at the London Weekend for all in November 2013, and spoke in the main hall for the event. She did a great job, not only raising awareness to help other mums and mums-to-be with epilepsy, but inspiring the audience.

Clair is a fantastic ambassador for the HealthE mum-to-be campaign. We simply couldn’t have run such a successful campaign without her support.

The Pregnancy Diaries was recently Highly Commended at the BMA Patient Information Awards and Clair played a big part in ensuring our resource was of such a high quality. 

Clair, together with Riley, became the main ‘poster girl’ of our HealthE mum-to-be campaign. She also completed several media interviews, including local radio and newspapers and appeared in a double-page article in national magazine Prima Baby. Clair is ever willing to help, and happily agreed to be the face of The Guardian’s Mediaplanet supplement in National Epilepsy Week, being interviewed for the supplement and featuring on the front cover.

Clair is an amazing advocate of Epilepsy Action and regularly promotes our work and website on her own blog. She is very open about her own experiences and difficulties. The women we are trying to reach with our women’s campaigns have really warmed to her.

Clair hosted a workshop for parents with epilepsy at the London Weekend for all in November 2013, and spoke in the main hall for the event. She did a great job, not only raising awareness to help other mums and mums-to-be with epilepsy, but inspiring the audience. 

Clair is a fantastic ambassador for the HealthE mum-to-be campaign. We simply couldn’t have run such a successful campaign without her support.

The Pregnancy Diaries was recently Highly Commended at the BMA Patient Information Awards and Clair played a big part in ensuring our resource was of such a high quality. 

Clair, together with Riley, became the main ‘poster girl’ of our HealthE mum-to-be campaign. She also completed several media interviews, including local radio and newspapers and appeared in a double-page article in national magazine Prima Baby. Clair is ever willing to help, and happily agreed to be the face of The Guardian’s Mediaplanet supplement in National Epilepsy Week, being interviewed for the supplement and featuring on the front cover.

Clair is an amazing advocate of Epilepsy Action and regularly promotes our work and website on her own blog. She is very open about her own experiences and difficulties. The women we are trying to reach with our women’s campaigns have really warmed to her.

Clair hosted a workshop for parents with epilepsy at the London Weekend for all in November 2013, and spoke in the main hall for the event. She did a great job, not only raising awareness to help other mums and mums-to-be with epilepsy, but inspiring the audience. 

Clair is a fantastic ambassador for the HealthE mum-to-be campaign. We simply couldn’t have run such a successful campaign without her support.

Neuro Nula - my story

I've been writing my story for a website called Neuro Nula and it's made me reflect on my experience of epilepsy so I thought I'd share it to reflect on why I started this blog:

I’m Clair, I'm 29 and this is my story…

I was diagnosed with epilepsy when I was 19 after having a couple of tonic-clonic seizures.  Looking back now I think I’ve had focal seizures most of my life.  I get a funny wave feeling of fear that washes over me and then my vision alters, it lasts a couple of seconds and my consciousness doesn’t really alter.  But these were only diagnosed as seizures a couple of years ago.

My epilepsy has never been severe, for that I feel blessed.  In the beginning before I started medication I had one tonic-clonic a month but soon after starting Lamotrigine I was free of major seizures for over a year.  But it’s never completely gone away, I’ll go a year, sometimes two without a tonic-clonic seizure and then for no apparent reason I’ll have another one.  I have the odd focal seizure every now and again.  I don’t get a warning before my tonic-clonic seizures and so have hurt myself a few times, I guess it means it’s always in the back of my mind – what if I have a seizure right now...

I think it helps that I have such wonderful family and friends; I can never thank my Mum and husband Rich enough for all they do to support me, from picking up the pieces after a seizure to the everyday things like giving me lifts places.  I don’t know what I’d do without them.

I think I’ve accepted my epilepsy, I know it’s something I’ll probably have to live with for the rest of my life.  I’ve also never wanted epilepsy to stop me from living my life and doing all the things I want to do and I think I’ve succeeded with that.  I went to university, got married, ride my horse and ski.  I am pretty independent, I know the local trains and buses like the back of my hand and it may take me a while but I can get anywhere on public transport!

I’ve tried to see the positive in my epilepsy, it’s a way I can help other people.  I started volunteering for Epilepsy Action, giving epilepsy awareness presentations, not long after I was diagnosed and I was interviewed for the Youth Health Talk website.  I’ve always believed talking about my epilepsy will help the big picture, reduce the stigma.  When you start talking about it people are interested and want to ask questions, I find being open about my epilepsy is one of the best ways of spreading awareness.

What I really want to share with you is my experience of becoming a mum.  It is one of the most amazing things that I have done in my life.  I know some women who have decided against starting a family because of their epilepsy and I wanted to do something to help women feel more confident and supported in having a baby.  It just happened that not long after my pregnancy, Epilepsy Action started their Healthe Mums-to-be campaign which I got involved in.

I kept a blog during my pregnancy and that has grown into a Mum’s blog which I hope other women with epilepsy find useful.  If you want to read more about my story you can find my blog at www.becomingamumwithepilepsy.blogspot.co.uk.

I found out I was pregnant about a week after having a tonic-clonic seizure.  I was over the moon but terrified at the same time.  What could my seizure have done to the baby, has the baby been affected by my epilepsy medication… being pregnant and having epilepsy is pretty daunting.  At my 12 month scan I remember being so scared, but when I saw our baby and being told everything looked fine and was completely ‘average’ I was so relieved and excited, it made it all seem so real.

My pregnancy after that went quite smoothly, I was very lucky, I was already being seen by an epilepsy specialist in London who was fantastic.  I had 2 epilepsy nurses I could call anytime and my local hospital where I was having the baby was really supported.  I had a lot of extra appointments and checks, I felt really looked after.  Probably the best thing was that my friend (we’d been friends since nursery school) happened to be a student midwife at the hospital; she asked if she could use me as a case study.  It couldn’t have worked out better; she came to all my appointments and made sure all my notes were in place.  But I did feel very alone, like I was the only one going through it, I didn’t know anyone else with epilepsy who’d had a baby, that’s why I started my blog to make sure other women knew they weren’t alone.

There are lots of things to consider when starting a family if you have epilepsy, but they are no reason not to have a baby, it just needs a bit more thought and planning.  It is always best to try to plan your pregnancy, talk to your doctor about your medication, especially if you are taking sodium valproate which has been shown to have a much higher risk of birth defects as well as childhood developmental problems.  It’s important to have a plan for labour and you can discuss this with your specialist and to know that most women can breastfeed while taking epilepsy medication (although often they are told they can’t).  Most women who have epilepsy have normal pregnancies and labours and have beautiful healthy babies.

You can find lots more information in the Epilepsy Action HealthE mum-to-be campaign: https://www.epilepsy.org.uk/pressreleases/national/new-campaign-provides-support-pregnant-women-epilepsy or on my blog.

From an epilepsy point of view my labour went to plan, it did have other complications, but Riley Elizabeth was born at 6pm on Jubilee Sunday weighing 8lb8oz and perfectly healthy.

Becoming a mum is both a wonderful moment but also takes a lot of adjustment for anyone let alone if you have epilepsy.  I always say to women that if they don’t feel that unbreakable bond as soon as they see their baby it is completely normal, I found it took time to build the bond, but I know that when Riley smiled for the first time I would do absolutely anything for her.

Looking after a baby when you have epilepsy is also pretty daunting.  But the most important thing to remember is you are a mum with epilepsy not the other way round.  I always carried Riley up the stairs in her car seat, I had a dead break put on my buggy, and I didn’t bath her on my own – practical things to keep her safe.  But I didn’t let it stop me being a mum.  One of the other challenges is not being able to drive, getting the bus with a newborn baby is pretty scary, my family and friends helped by giving me lifts to start with but I soon got the hang of getting buses and trains, and I lost all my baby weight with the exercise.  I think one of the most important things was getting out and about and spending time with other people, not getting isolated.  I have made some wonderful friends through being a mum, no-one judges me because I my epilepsy.

As Riley is growing up and exploring the world it is amazing to watch her and I love her so much. There are going to be challenges to face in the future, some regarding my epilepsy and some not.  But right now I am enjoying being a mummy.  I don’t know what the future will hold for us, but all I know is I am very lucky to have a wonderful husband and beautiful, healthy little girl.

www.neuronula.co.uk

Neuro Nula aims to bring people living, or caring for someone, with a neurological condition together to share their experiences, advice and make new friends in a place free from judgement and stigmatisation.

Neuro Nula will provide a safe, moderated forum, links to neurological organisations and access to the stories of people affected by a range of neurological conditions. If you would like to share your story, contact NeuroNula@live.com 

Epilepsy Weekend for All

The Epilepsy Action Weekend for All was amazing!  It was great to speak to some women thinking of starting a family in the future, mum's to be and new mum's.  But on top of that I learnt so much on a range of things which I will talk about over the coming days...

But I want to use this post to just talk about how the weekend turned out to be more than just an event to raise awareness and learn new information...

Spending the weekend with people who understand the emotions that surround having epilepsy, somehow I didn't worry so much about things.  I could be myself more in such a social situation.  The Saturday night they had a disco and karaoke.  I would never get up and sing and even dancing I'd feel self concious, but for some reason this weekend I was up there singing summer loving and dancing the conga... I don't exactly know why, whether it was because the people there just supported each other, encouraged each other.  Or whether there was a little part of me that thought, if I have a seizure here noone will care or judge and everyone will know what to do.

One of the consultants had an interesting piece of research which suggested that while quality of life was normal in those with complete seizure control, the level of quality of life in other with epilepsy didn't vary that much between people having the occasional seizure or those having them daily... I guess the thing is epilepsy is unpredictable and that means that it is always a worry, however small and I think maybe I worry about having a seizure 'now' more than I might let on.

Spending time with other people who face the same problems, side effects of drugs and the epilepsy itself, it got me thinking.  I have always worried about my memory but everyone tells me that there's nothing wrong with my memory and in most areas I would agree.

At uni I was sent to the dene of students to get some help with my memory as my lecturers saw it as a problem.  My main stratergy is I have a book, especially at work which says the things that I need to do.  It is more for confidence, basically by writing things in the book and then not having to look at it and still remembering it builds confidence but at the same time everything is written there if you need it to reduce anxiety.

But one thing I am aweful at (and I mean aweful) is remembering people's names... people say I am too... and maybe it is just normal and maybe it was as bad before I had epilepsy but I just don't remember it being such a problem... at the weekend (because people didn't mind me asking them over and over) I had to ask people there names upto 4 times to remember them... and it gets me really anxious which then doesn't help.  So I have decided I will write people's names down as I met them, I will have a book and I will then be able to look back and as I said before I maybe able to remember without looking at the book but if I can't it is there.

So the weekend made me reflect on what my epilepsy might be impacting on, to accept that.  But the most important part of the weekend is the friends I have made, the people who just accept me for who I am, I'd especially like to mention Stuart and Kate, you made my weekend fantastic.  It was my first weekend away from Riley and I couldn't of imagined a better way to spend it.  Thank you everyone :)

So as I said, over the next few posts (over the next few days) I will talk about some of the things covered during the weekend, including:

• pregnancy and parenting workshops
• anxiety and depression in epilepsy
• bone health in epilepsy
• memory (hopefully)
• mindfulness (hopefully)

But for now I will leave you with Kate and me singing, luckily for you there is no video... but you can hear our fantastic drumming HERE

Epilepsy Weekend ~ Mixed Feelings

Well it's the Epilepsy Action weekend for all in 2 days time.  I'm really looking forward to it but at the same time I'm a little bit nervous...

I've written something for the 15minute presentation I'm giving on my experiences and that's the bit I think I'm most nervous about, but hopefully it will go well.  I think I'm also a bit nervous about spending the weekend away from Riley, it will be the first night I have spent away from her and that comes with mixed feelings, it will be nice to have a whole 2 days doing something for me but at the same time I know I will miss her...

But the most exciting bit is that hopefully I'll meet lots of women thinking of being mum's, women who are pregnant and new mum's and will be able to start up some sort of network for mum's to support each other.  That's the plan but even just meeting a few women will be fantastic and I think I'm going to learn a lot from the midwife, consultant and epilepsy nurse, so that is exciting too.

I'm also going to be representing Youth Health Talk (which I have spoken about in one of my recent posts) but also the Brain Injury Hub which is the information resource which I am involved in at work.  I have never really talked much about the specifics of my job but I work for a charity called The Children's Trust which is supports children with brain injury and their families.  One of the services they provide is the Brain Injury Hub, an online parents resource, and I am the online community coordinator for that.

www.braininjuryhub.co.uk

There are workshops for young people with epilepsy and a creche at the weekend and so there maybe parents whose child has had a brain injury and suffers from epilepsy because of it. If premoting the hub there only helps one parent it is worth taking the information and talking to people about it.

This will be my last post before the weekend so I will let you know how it goes next week.  Hopefully I might meet a few of you who have been reading my blog.  The one thing I can't believe is how many people want to read my story and hear what I have to say on Twitter and I just want to say thank you so much for all your support and helping to spread information and support to as many women as possible.

London Epilepsy Weekend for All ~ 1st - 3rd November 2013

In a couple of weekends time it's the London Epilepsy Weekend for All and it looks fantastic.  It's a weekend full of presentations and workshops by professionals and people with epilepsy.  It will give people a chance to ask lots of questions and meet people in a relaxed environment.

It's for the whole weekend, people can go to one of both days, stay there overnight and even arive on the Friday and stay all weekend.

There's going to be information sessions on both days for women thinking about starting a family, pregnant women or new mum's.  There will be more on the Saturday as their will be a specialist epilepsy midwife there and a consultant, but I'm going to be there both days to share my experiences and answer question if I can.  There will be lots and lots of other useful information sessions but from a pregnancy and parenting point of view this is what is happening:

Saturday

11.30am to 12.10pm Kim Morley – Epilepsy specialist midwife.  Speaking on pregnancy planning, care and delivery; caring for your baby.
12.15pm to 12.30pm Clair Cobbold.  Epilepsy and motherhood – a personal perspective.
12.35pm to 1pm Dr Cock; Kim Morley and Clair Cobbold - question and answer session on epilepsy pregnancy and motherhood / fatherhood.
2pm - 3.30pm Pregnancy planning and management; care for your baby and a mums’ network with Kim Morley ESN and midwife and Clair Cobbold Epilepsy Action volunteer and a mother with epilepsy featured in the Pregnancy diaries.

Sunday

2pm to 3.30pm Pregnancy planning and management; care for your baby and a mums’ network with Shelley Brett Epilepsy Specialist Nurse and Clair Cobbold volunteer with Epilepsy Action and a mother with epilepsy featured in the award winning Pregnancy diaries.

Looks like a really great weekend for anyone interested in epilepsy.  I'm hoping it will be a chance to get lots of mum's and mum's to be with epilepsy together to spreead support and maybe start some sort of support network.  Hopefully see you there.  Click below to book your place:

https://www.epilepsy.org.uk/involved/information/weekend-for-all

Warrior Mum's ~ My story

My story is the feature of Michelle Daly's Warrior Mums blog today :) hoping that it's another way of my story helping more women with epilepsy.  There have been some wonderful comments, I don't feel like I've really done much, just told my story.  It's not a story full of drama but just about being a mum and overcoming the challenges epilepsy has thrown at me along the way... but if my story can even help just one other person then this is all worth doing :)

Have a look at Michelle's fantastic blog:

http://michelledaly.blogspot.co.uk/

Also keep an eye on the new page "other mums' experiences" I've added to my blog, there are some fantastic mum's writing for it as we speak.  If you'd like to share your experience, e-mail me:

claircaxton@hotmail.com

Pregnancy Diaries won Highly Commended at BMA awards!!!

So the pregnancy awards won a Highly Commended at the British Medical Associations Patient Information Awards.  The final verdict was...

"I'm positive this resource is like a breath of fresh air for women with epilepsy (planning to have a baby or pregnant). The images give the feeling that one should treat pregnancy as normal and healthy (despite the necessary extra health worries/checks). Reading this - I get the feeling there's light at the end of the tunnel. This book is very much about maintaining a good quality of life and enjoying pregnancy despite living with epilepsy."
 
And here are a few facts I was given which show how successful the campaign has been

• Over 3,000 copies of Pregnancy Diaries sent to women with epilepsy.
   

• 3,784 individual people have viewed the Pregnancy Diaries online.
   

• 1,377 HealthE mum-to-be resource packs requested and distributed to medical professionals. [These packs included at least 5 copies of the Pregnancy Diaries].
   

• Poster presentation on Epilepsy Action’s research regarding pregnancy and parenting and the Pregnancy Diaries at the International Epilepsy Congress in Montreal.
   

• So far 9 mums have become part of the Pregnancy Diaries online, and another two are currently writing their diaries and getting ready to join up.

I also got a lovely e-mail from Nicole at Epilepsy Action giving some really lovely feedback from Mums.  It makes it all seem worth while and I am so glad I have been able to help at least a few other women.

It has been amazing contacting women from all over the world on Twitter.  So what are my plans now?

Well I have a few ideas... I am getting involved in a pregnancy and parenting with epilepsy workshop at Epilepsy Action's weekend for all on the 1-3 November 2013 in London.  Here's a link to get more info about the day itself and I will post more when I know more about what's happening.  At the moment it would seem that it will probably be on the Saturday but I will be around both days :)

http://www.epilepsy.org.uk/involved/london-weekend-november-2012

I was also thinking of having a page on this blog for other women to tell their stories and add their contact details if they want.  If you are interested in adding something to the page then please e-mail me, is great to hear from other women.  My e-mail is:

claircaxton@hotmail.com

Adapting my Buggy Breaks ~ Remap

I was being interviewed for some research yesterday and during the discussion we got onto the customised breaks I have on my buggy.  I don't think I have mentioned much about them and for me they were one of the things that gave me the biggest piece of mind.  A charity called Remap did them for me, they are an amazing charity.

They work through a nationwide network of dedicated volunteers who use their ingenuity and skills to help people with disabilities to achieve much-desired independence in some aspect of their lives, or to enjoy leisure opportunities previously closed to them.

With my bugggy, I chose whichever buggy I wanted, in my case a Quinny (chosing a buggy in general as a parent is pretty tricky!) and a volunteer from the charity came and had a look at it and then took it away to think up a way the breaks could be put on.  Then he came back a few weeks later with a prototype which didn't effect the buggy at all to see if I thought it was ok, would work and was happy for the changes they would need to do to the buggy.

I then said it was fantastic and he took it away again for a couple more weeks and it came back with the breaks all sorted.  They are an ingenious use of bungy cords and bike breaks and the only way they had to alter the buggy was to drill 2 small holes in the handles at the sides.  If I took it all off no-one would really know it was ever there.  Although it is a made at home with one off design it looks really proffesional and you wouldn't look at the buggy and think who attached all that tat to it.  It is amazing, everyone thinks so and actually it was really useful because I didn't need to worry about faffing about with breaks if I stopped on a hill.

The only thing I do have to do is occasionally change the break cables as they rub on a piece of metal and frey but that is it and I have had to change the Quinny tyre innertubes a few times because they get punctures so nothing is perfect.  It is also worth noting that it does invalidate the guarantee as it is an adaption to the buggy.

I couldn't find a buggy which had any sort of dead break and talking to others they have said they could only find very expensive buggies with dead breaks.  It only cost me the cost of the materials and volunteers petrol which worked out at about £40 and we gave them a donation.  It was amazing, I managed to have the buggy of my choice with the amazing breaks which have made such a huge difference to my confidence getting out and about. I can't thank them enough.

Neuro Appointment Today

So we went up to London for my neuro appointment.  I still feel very lucky to be seen in London, to have such a fantastic doctor who really seems to care and epilepsy nurses I can call anytime if I have worries.  I sort of still feel maybe my epilepsy isn't bad enough to warrent being seen in such a specialist place but then when I look back at my old consultant who's knowledge wasn't great (as proved by the changes made when I was seen in London) and on top of that he was so uninterested in what I was saying I can't imagine having had to discuss pregnancy and motherhood with him, I am so glad I stuck to my guns and asked to see someone else. It wasn't just for me in the end, it was for Riley too.

So anyway we haven't changed anything, at the end of the day I can live with the focal seizures, I have felt a bit dizzy recently after taking my medication but I can live with that too.  The idea of changing onto something else is too daunting to do right now but when we decide to have another baby it maybe something to consider, Riley will be bigger and hopefully my work will be more sorted so the impact of having a seizure would be less, so for now things remain the same unless I have another tonic clonic seizure.

I also had a great chat about the epilepsy action campaign and this blog, it was really great to hear she knew about it and that we're involved.  Made me feel a bit more confident about talking about all of this, hoping that maybe telling my story will help other women feel more confident in becoming a mum, because it is the best feeling ever and epilepsy shouldn't prevent you from experiencing this :)

So things are looking good at the moment, hopefully everything will continue to go well.

We're in Surrey Mirror!

We're in the Surrey Mirror today!!!  I was interviewed a couple of weeks back and it has been published in the Surrey Women section of today's addition...

Also had a call from the magazine Practical Parenting who want to do a story about us and a writer's going to call soon to organise a time for an interview... all very exciting :)

Epilepsy Action Pregnancy Campaign

Wow, the Epilepsy Action Pregnancy Campaign launched last week and it seems to be reaching a lot of media (if your reading this you quite possibly found it through the campaign...)

I can't believe we have our photo on the cover of the pregnancy diaries and  even more unbelieveable is being interviewed by local radio stations and papers.

I hope that the campaign and being able to tell as many people as possible my experiences of pregnancy and being a mum, will help women feel more confident and less alone.  Hopefully it will also help health proffesionals have a better understanding of epilepsy and pregnancy and some of the issues and worries women with epilepsy face during pregnancy and as a new mum.

To have a look at the diaries we have helped write go to:

http://www.epilepsy.org.uk/pregnancy-diaries

Memorable pregnancy moments

One of the most amazing part of every pregnancy I think for most people is seeing that first scan, it makes it all real, up until that point I didn’t quite believe it, I thought I was just going to feel groggy for the rest of my life!  I also loved hearing baby’s heart beat at every check-up, midwives are definitely better at giving you time to listen to it than most doctors!

Feeling the baby move is incredible, I didn’t find the first few movements were much, but as she grew being able to see a hand or foot sticking out was amazing.  I remember one day sitting on the floor at work with a child and the clown doctor was making him a balloon animal, suddenly the balloon popped, the child jumped, I jumped but most amazingly my baby in my tummy jumped, it made me realise that I had a little life forming inside me, made me treasure it even more.

A strange memorable moment during my pregnancy was liking chocolate again… sounds strange but the main reason I took a pregnancy test was I couldn’t face chocolate just like my Mum couldn’t when she was pregnant with me.  For a chocoholic that was very strange, I remember sitting at a Christmas dinner watching everyone eat chocolate fondants and feeling very strange because I knew I should want one, but couldn’t face one!  Then sometime after 20weeks I started enjoying eating chocolate again, yum,yum!

The first proper cuddle with your baby is amazing, we didn’t get a proper cuddle for a couple of hours, just a quick one in theatre which I only vaguely remember, as we were neither of us very well after delivery.  But that first proper cuddle when everything was calm again… I remember my friend carrying her in to me (as she was a student midwife and had helped deliver Riley!) that first proper cuddle and starting to feed her I will never forget. 

Lastly, something I wish someone had been honest enough to tell me, and which I think is important to acknowledge otherwise I think a lot of new mothers feel something is wrong.  The everlasting bond people talk about doesn’t usually occur straight away… I loved Riley so much and wanted to provide for her, but I remember feeling so bad when the midwife came the first night and asked if I wanted her to take her for a bit, feeling relieved, I was exhausted.  But the bond built over the first few weeks, when she gave her first proper cheesy grin I knew I’d do anything for her.  Just don’t feel bad if the feeling isn’t there straight away, it will come, motherhood is a huge change, it takes time to get used to and time to get to know each other, with or without epilepsy.  

Now 12 weeks on I love being a mum, watching Riley learn new things all the time is amazing. I love her so much. We are a proper little family.