People think that because I don't act bothered about driving I am not bothered about driving. They couldn't be further from the truth.
Having lost my licence 3 times I don't exactly feel confident that even if I get it back I won't become reliant on it, then lose it again and go through the whole emotional and practical ordeal of doing without it again. And worse still I have the worry that seeing as I can go 2 years without a seizure and then have one out of the blue with no warning, how do I know I won't be driving at the time and kill someone. Now with Riley, it's just such a daunting prospect.
But don't get me wrong, I'd give anything just to jump in the car on a cold morning and drive the 20minutes round the corner to a baby group rather than having to wrap Riley in 20 layers or waterproofs(or both) then walking 15minutes usually up a long hill, to a bus stop, standing in the freezing cold or pouring rain for a bus that's late, get another bus or train and then walk for another 15minutes usually up another hill. Let alone the fact that it's not possible to travel further than a 20mile radius and get back the same day, so visiting friends further away for a day is near impossible. Buses that are already full of pushchairs so you can't get on. Or avoiding school time or commuter time cos there's not enough space. Or trying to fit meal times and nap times around all this chaos!
But when you just can't drive what is the point in dwelling on all the stuff you can't do, it just makes it all the more upsetting and frustrating. So I like to think about all the positive things... to Riley a trip on the train or a bus is a day out. I have lost all my baby weight and more pushing her around and getting lots of fresh air. I was lucky enough to have a fantastic relationship with my Grandad who picked me up all the time, I miss him so much but in a way having epilepsy brought me closer to him and I felt so lucky to have him. And now my Mum picks me up and we love seeing her and along with Rich they are my closest friends. On top of that so many people know how hard it is for me, so I get so many offers of lifts and visits that it makes me feel very lucky to have such wonderful friends and family and I get to see people so often, I never feel lonely :) But I still feel bad relying so much on other people.
All I ask is that people don't take having a driving licence for granted, you never know when you might lose it for reasons out of your control, I have little sympathy for people who do things to jeopardise their licence out of choice.
Not being able to drive is challenge, don't let it stop you getting out and about, there is so many baby groups locally to most people, sure start centres are everywhere and mum's net is great. Once you start meeting other mum's often you can grab lifts with them. Just remember all the positive things, forget the negative :)
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